


good grief

by wildlikeawolfpack



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Alternative Universe - Fíli survives, i am honestly very sorry, unnecessary angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-24
Updated: 2016-07-24
Packaged: 2018-07-26 11:42:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7572820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wildlikeawolfpack/pseuds/wildlikeawolfpack
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What's gonna be left of the world if you're not in it?</p>
            </blockquote>





	good grief

**Author's Note:**

> This was posted about a year ago on my Tumblr, just a head's up. Also: no capitalization, because that was the way I originally wrote it and I simply cannot imagine this with proper capitalization. And most of the writing in this fic is super awkward. Haha. Good times.
> 
> I might possibly turn this into a series to explore such angsty themes as people dying and other people, you know, outliving them. And the aftermath. And stuff. (Perhaps with capitalization, this time around.)
> 
> (Title and description taken from Bastille's fabulous song Good Grief, by the by.)

**i.**

fili survives. he’s never captured. he doesn’t die.

kili doesn’t survive. and fili isn’t there. fili is somewhere else. fighting. and he doesn’t realize his little brother isn’t breathing anymore. he’s fighting while it happens, and he’s fighting after it has happened. and when the fighting finally stops, fili is relieved for a very short moment. he’s relieved, because he can finally breathe again. because it’s over.

his first thought is to find his brother and smack him on the shoulder. ‘you’ve been enjoying yourself?’ he’d ask, laughing. and then he’d hug him and release a shaky breath because _they’re okay. they’re alive and well. and the fighting is done_.

but then he finds his brother. and little kili is lying down on the snow covered floor. he isn’t breathing. kili. slain. because fili hadn’t been there. because he hadn’t been looking out for his brother. and he sinks to his knees and drops his forehead until it meets kili’s shoulder. his tears burn hot on his cheeks. he screams until his throat is raw.

when there’s a hand on his shoulder, fili lifts up his head, heavy with grief. dwalin is there, casting a shadow over the two brothers. 'i have failed to protect him,’ fili whispers as he looks up.

**ii.**

some time passes before fili struggles to his feet. 'the others?’ he asks, looking to dwalin for answers. dwalin looks away and fili knows it isn’t over yet.

'thorin?’ he gets no reply, so he presses again. 'my uncle?’

dwalin’s voice cracks as fili gets his answer. he wishes he hadn’t asked.

**iii.**

a long time passes. first, time is measured in hours. endless hours that disappear into nothing. they carry off into days after a while, until those blend into weeks and months and then, finally, years.

peace has been restored. fili is king under the mountain. he sits upon a throne that both his brother's and his uncle's blood have helped him secure.

he makes a good king. he’s wise. he’s just. the kingdom prospers during his reign. he’s known as a fearless leader and tales of his valor spread throughout middle-earth.

some other, lesser known, tales spread as well. they speak of a troubled king. still grieving. (after all these years? you might ask. yes. hundreds of centuries would have to pass before his heavy heart were to shed some of its grief.) some say he never sleeps. (he does. but his dreams are never pleasant.) some say he never laughs, never smiles. (he does. he makes sure of it. but the only time his gaiety is true, is when he's accompanied by old friends. when they talk of times long past. when the company of thorin consisted of thirteen dwarves still. and a wizard. and a burglar.) (sometimes gandalf is there as well. it doesn’t happen often, but when it does, his presence is a comfort to all. even when all he does is sit and smoke his pipe solemnly, eyes lighting up as he listens to countless retellings of adventures they all know by heart.) (bilbo has only been once. toward the end. more of the company had perished by then and fili had grown old and bilbo had grown older still.)

and more time keeps passing. fili grows older and more weary and his heart gets more troubled as friends around him perish or simply disappear to never be seen again. death looms over him constantly, but it doesn’t wrap its icy hands round fili’s heart until he no longer remembers the sound of his brother’s voice, or his uncle’s laugh, or what they had both looked like.


End file.
